I woke up with dreams about apples. I don’t know exactly what was happening in my dream but I was sure feeling deprived, worried and trying to cheat by throwing walnuts in the blender while making apple sauce. I hate it when I wake up thinking / dreaming about food because it shows me how not there I am. Shortly after coming to some sort of minor consciousness, the chorus of Casting Crown’s “Glorious Day” began running through my head:
Living He loved me!
Dying He saved me!
Buried He carried my sins far away!
Rising He justified!
Freely forever!
One day He’s coming!
Oh glorious day!
Oh glorious day!
And then the sting of conviction. “Ashley, I died for you. You can eat apples for 2 more days.” Ouch. I’m such a miserable, complaining Israelite.
I know why I’m stressed about these apples. I work out once a week. Just once right now. It’s all I can commit to and I’m good with that. Well, Monday is my workout class which is also the last day of the apple fast. When I workout without eating something first I easily become light-headed and nauseated. And I am worried sick that I will feel terrible after working out on Monday. It’s super ridiculous but I just don’t want to skip the class because I’m also worried that I won’t go back.
Yesterday I read Ch. 9 of 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. These were the cutting words I read: “If authentic, saving belief is the act of trusting, then to choose stress is an act of disbelief… atheism.” I have lived thus far a stressed out life. And while things are improving, and stress is no longer the defining factor of me, I have miles to go when a little workout anxiety spills over into bad dream.
The rest of the day has gone well. Fuji is my favorite apple of all. I took another 3 hour nap today, so it looks like my detox reveals as exhaustion.
I’m incredibly impressed with the focus and enthusiasm Nolen has had throughout the process. I know that I could never have been so resolved at 14. I’m so encouraged!