I constantly question myself. Am I being the best mom I can be? Am I selfish by choosing work, even work in the church, over homeschooling my girls? Am I terrible for happily shoving a 6 & 8-year old into a government institution and hoping for the best?
This morning I left Gracie’s Kindergarten class with tears in my eyes… good tears. For Christmas, I made Gracie a little phonics game I saw on Pinterest using paint chips. I knew I was a little late, and Gracie had mastered all of the sounds, but she had begged me to make it in August, but I had not gotten around to it. She was still happy to receive it and played with it a handful of times. Last night, she got it out, played a little bit, and then looked up at me with her big, round hazel eyes, “Mom, would it be okay if I gave this the Hermon in my class? He can’t read yet.” A little hurt that she would be so willing to give my handmade gift away, I quickly got over myself and said, “Of course!”
Gracie put it in her bag right then and asked me to accompany her to the classroom to ask her teacher if that was okay.
I did as she asked. Ms. Brock called Hermon over to show what his little classmate had brought for him. His face lit up. “What do you say, Hermon?” In a Caribbean accent, he replied, “Tank you!” Her teacher continued, “Gracie, would you like to show Hermon how to use it this afternoon?” She nodded yes with a shy yet excited smile on her face.
I walked out and took one glance back at the classroom. Little Hermon was leaning into Gracie and giving her a big hug.
These are the moments that can’t be manufactured; They can only happen in the chaos of real-life, raw struggle. A little boy can’t read. A little girl wants to help. Gracie goes to school was a purpose beyond herself. Isn’t that the essence of the Christian life? Thank you, God, for a glimpse of You today.